application for sweven ;;

[soldiered]

PLAYER INFO

PLAYER NAME » Awbrey.
PLAYER JOURNAL » musically
AGE » 23.
EMAIL » evadingdamnation @ gmail.com
INSTANT MESSAGING » dozensofthreads @ aim.
OTHER METHOD OF CONTACT » notafuckingdamsel/defends @ plurk.
HOW MANY CHARACTERS DO YOU CURRENTLY PLAY? » Just Buffy Summers!


CHARACTER INFO

CHARACTER NAME » Dean Winchester.
FANDOM » Supernatural.
CANON-POINT » 5x22; "Swan Song", after Sam jumps into the pit, when he's in the car just after Cas leaves him all alone. ( ;0; )

HISTORY » Dean Winchester @ Supernaturalwiki
AU SETTING/PAST GAME HISTORY » n/a.

PERSONALITY »

"Whaddaya say we kill some evil sons'a'bitches and we raise a lil' hell?"

Face-saving, skin-deep Dean Winchester is pretty easy to describe. He's arrogant, womanizing, sarcastic, and stubborn. He burns through bar sluts like it's his job, has a very give-'em-hell attitude, and generally hangs onto the phrase "my way or the highway" with a vice-grip. This is evident in a number of different ways, from telling Sam that they're doing what he wants to do regardless, to something as simple and nitpicky as picking what music is played in the Impala on their never-ending road trip. The outer shell he presents also overshadows any problems he has with humor. He often covers up anything he's really feeling with crude humor and/or inappropriate jokes, laughing off in a way that isn't just forced on his end, but seems forced outwardly. He's a smartass; it's a coping mechanism for him, even if he never admits it. It usually takes someone else (generally speaking, Sam) calling him out for him to even acknowledge that it exists, and even then... He can kind of respond to the accusations with a big heaping pile of denial.

He seems to be nothing but a letch, as well. When it comes to women and relationships, Dean doesn't really have the best track record. He's lost count of the one night stands and random seductions, but he can remember very vividly the times when he's actually felt something. And those times? Never ended well for him. The one girl he really opened up to about his life, the girl he fell in love with, Cassie... She broke up with him because she couldn't handle his life. So he stopped forming attachments. The closest he's ever gotten since then is with Lisa Braeden. He's told her to her face that when he pictures himself happy, it's with her, and her son Ben. He does have a smidgen of hope for what he calls an "apple pie life", but he's not counting on it. Even though he's been dedicated to hunting all his life, a part of him just wants to wake up, go to a job (even if it's two-bit), have a wife, have kids, and come home to dinner on the table and a pie in the oven. He wants to mow the lawn. He doesn't fight against his lifestyle like Sam does, but he does wish for the possibility of normalcy in the future. He's just too realistic to actually go for it, so he skips from barslut to barslut instead.

Part of the reason why he doesn't make true, deeper connections is because of the fact that he moved around so much throughout the course of his childhood and adolescence. He was taught not to get close to people; taught not to share his secrets with people, and to keep to himself (and his brother). He was trained into being private, into only speaking when spoken to, and into keeping a low profile. His main duty was taking care of Sam and keeping them out of trouble. He didn't make connections. They barely lasted at schools for more than two weeks at a time, and that length was rare. He got older, and they kept hunting. He kept his distance. And, as I said before, the one time he opened his heart to someone, it got trampled on. Lacking connections is just easier for him. Constant travel plus life-threatening danger does not sunshine, daisies, and an old fashioned sock-hop equal.

Then there's the slightly deeper surface-level Dean. He's kind of a carbon-copy of his father, in a lot of ways. In the third season (the episode "Dream a Little Dream of Me"), he faces a demon version of himself, the person he fears he'll become once he's been cast into Hell. The duplicate Dean really sums up the way he takes after John perfectly. Car? Dad's. Music? Dad's. Leather jacket? Dad's. He's developed his own way of handling things, independence, and individuality over the course of time but a lot of very basic things about the way he lives his life can be traced back to the fact that he really is his father's son. He spent his childhood following John's orders without question, and when he disobeyed, he was regarded in such a harsh manner that he learned from his mistakes and never again rebelled against what he was told to do. He adapted John's stance on the world, the way John acted... And while his carbon-copy nightmare self says he's nothing but an order-following attack dog, he does take the role of being the one to give orders very well once John is gone. He adapts without being truly flexible.

Possibly the most noticeable deeper thing about Dean Winchester is the fact that he shoulders responsibility and is self-sacrificing to a fault. Even when he's loyal to his father and simply hunting, he follows orders blindly and makes things his problem. It's much more noteworthy when he's with Sam, constantly telling him that things aren't his fault or problem, but it's their problem. Even when the only way it concerns him is by association, he takes it on (or at the very least, he tries to.) He feels like it's constantly his duty, his responsibility, his problem, his right... to do everything. All the time. And handle all the problems. There are times when it's almost to the degree of martyrdom. He carries the weight of the world with him, all the time. When someone dies? He takes it as a hard emotional blow, as if it weren't anyone else's fault but his own that they didn't make it out alive.

That, however, isn't to say that he'll bend over for the universe. As much as he shoulders responsibility, as much as he's willing to take on and as much as he does take on, Dean doesn't take crap and doesn't believe that destiny owns him. He looks down his nose at fate and is more than willing to give it the finger, fighting against his predestination as much as he can. He's a member of Team Free Will. At his canon point specifically, he's had a momentary lapse in sanity and has decided that there's no choice for him but to say yes to Michael; however, on a regular basis, he pretty much spits in the face of anyone who tells him he has no choice in a matter and has to do something because someone else chose it for him. Unlike taking orders from John, it's like being told that his whole life is being directed by someone else, and that is not okay with him. He'll take orders just fine but only if he's the master of his own fate, thank you very fucking much.

Another incredibly prominent aspect of his personality is the fact that he's so fiercely protective of the people he cares about. He's willing to do anything to put other people before him. He's protective of innocent people in general, but when it comes down to his friends or his family, there's no real way of stopping him. When someone he cares greatly about is in danger, the ends justify the means, and he can even get kind of scary. He'll make sacrifices he wouldn't normally make, including his own life. He sells his soul to bring Sam back after he dies; he really does risk everything for his family.

Speaking of family. Throughout the course of the show it is shown that to Dean, above saving people, above hunting things, in levels of importance? Family is the number one thing. He believes that family should be put above everything else. Betrayal hits him extra hard because of it. When Sam does something stupid (and against his wishes or what he believes is best for them as a family), which happens a lot more than he'd like it to, it hits him ten times harder than, say, having a friend or acquaintance turn their backs on him. He's had years now to get over it, but he harbored a lot of resentment toward Sam for ever leaving them to go to Stanford in the first place.

And Sam. Dean's relationship with Sam is the absolutely most important relationship in his entire life. He relies on his little brother, protects his little brother, and would go through Hell – literally – for his little brother. Sam has done some pretty untrustworthy, horrible, unforgivable things. But Dean still loves him like any good big brother would. They're all the other has. Sure, there's Bobby, the surrogate dad, and Castiel, who's a friend to them and who raised Dean from Hell, but... Dean's been taking care of Sam since Sam's life began. He was the one who ran out of the house with Sam in the fire that killed their mother, he was the one who played dad to Sam when John was out on a hunt, gone for days on end. When Sam died, Dean sold his soul just to bring his brother back. He made a promise to protect Sam, and that's a promise he'll keep until the end of the world, even when Sam breaks his trust. Even when his heart is torn in pieces by watching his brother become a monster and unleash the evil that was ingrained in him against his will, Sam is still his brother.

Dean is an expert fighter who can turn his emotions off in a violent situation like they were attached to a very easy-to-operate toggle. Not only does he have years of training in hunting, but he's also got a good ten years (out of forty) that he spent torturing souls in Hell. The latter is a shame and a burden he still carries, though he doesn't show it much anymore and has mostly forgiven himself, but he does possess the ability to become almost sociopathic if it's necessary. There have been times when all of his rage and resentment toward his life will emerge in the middle of a fight, and he becomes almost frighteningly dark and expressionless, determined to do nothing but completely destroy the creature in front of him. His heart's in the right place, killing evil, but his methods can be downright ruthless.

That isn't to say that he's a bad guy, or dark, or evil. Dean is, at the heart of it all, a good man. He can be an arrogant jerk, a womanizing letch, and a plain ole' asshole, but when it comes down to it, his intentions are as good as they can be. He wants to be able to get the job done and save as many people as possible while ganking all he evil sons of bitches he can sink a bullet into. He wants to avoid casualties. The true depth of the goodness in his heart is most apparent when, although he's not officially given himself over as a vessel, he's able to kill the Whore of Babylon with a Cypress stake – something only a true servant of God should be able to do. It's a wake-up call for him, to know that the big guy's got that much stock in him. Even if he thinks God's being a huge, absentee father-style jerk, knowing that someone somewhere has enough faith in him for that to be a bit of a wake-up call. That's also what wakes him up to the fact that he has a huge part to play.

And he does. Dean Winchester is chosen. He's chosen to be Michael's vessel, to take up a sword against Lucifer, and to end the Apocalypse. At his canon point, while he wants to believe in free will (as stated earlier), he recognizes that the only way to just get the Apocalypse over with and have the least amount of innocent casualties is to just do it. He realizes that he's important, and he finds within himself the strength to take it on. His desire to help the world is more important than his desire to fight against powers that clearly aren't backing down and letting him handle things his way. A part of him has given up, but the rest of him just wants it all to be done as quickly as possible while killing as few as possible. He is far from happy about it, but he realizes a duty when he sees one, and he's always been taught to do one's duty. The angels sure as hell aren't his father, and neither is God himself, but he's got a world to protect and at this point he figures just saying yes to Michael is the best way to do it. It shows a bit of hopelessness in him, something insecure in his emotions that's always there but not always present to the naked eye.

It's a huge blow to his pride. He's very, very prideful – to the point where he's been called a dick. He has a lot of underlying insecurities (emotionally speaking... because hahaha, if Dean Winchester had a female carbon-copy of himself he wouldn't ever sleep with anyone else, because he's convinced he's the best ever at sex) that he covers up with a great deal of arrogance and pride and ego, and even when he's not strong enough to take something on, he spouts bravado like it's his job (which, admittedly, it... sometimes is). Whether it's with his brother, women, or monsters, he doesn't like to show weakness. That's why this is such a struggle for him.

Deep down, he just wants things to be over. He wants to be able to have the life he's never figured he'd ever had. Even though he could never fathom completely leaving hunting, he'd like to have a home base. He'd like to be able to find a way to really open up – even if it were just having a consistent group of friends outside of Bobby, Cas, and Sam. Friends he can shoot the shit with over a beer without talking about a rougarou or a vampire or a wendigo or a damn angel or demon. A gorgeous woman to come home to. But he knows better. Dean will be a fighter until the very end, whether he likes it or not. He can't ignore the fact that people need saving. He can't just walk away from hundreds, possibly thousands, of lives, and he never will.

"What I do have is a G.E.D. and a give-em-Hell attitude."

ABILITIES/WEAKNESSES »

Dean is a regular human being. Not really normal because he plays a huge part in the destiny of the world ("or some shit", as he'd say), but he has no supernatural abilities of his own. His uncanny ability to avoid staying dead has been attributed completely to outside sources.

As with Buffy, most of Dean's mental/emotional weaknesses are in his personality. However, when it comes to specifics/physical weaknesses... Dean's just human. He can die by any normal means that a person can die by. He doesn't tend to stay dead, but a gunshot, being stabbed, drowning... The list goes on and on and on... He can die. He can be injured just like any other normal human being.

He does have some weaknesses that are stronger than others. His family. If Sam is in danger, Dean becomes... pretty reckless and stupid. He would risk his life a hundred times over to save his brother. He also tends to jump to martyr status really quickly and bears the burden of everything that has ever gone wrong ever in the history of ever on his shoulders. He blames himself for Ash and Pamela's deaths, for Jo and Ellen's deaths... He blames himself for not being able to save the little brother (Adam) he didn't know he had, and for not being able to save the one who is his unhealthily codependent partner in hunting and the one he swore his entire life to protect. He carries so much guilt and weight and whenever the opportunity to sacrifice himself arises, he usually takes it. He feels he's responsible for everything and everybody and that throwing himself in the line of fire is the only solution. He's also super bossy because he feels like he always has to take the lead. All the time. Without fail.

He also has weaknesses regarding the following things: his leather jacket, his taste in music, a hot looking piece of ass, the Impala (his precious car and the only woman he could ever really love), and pie.

DREAM POWER » "Lucid dreaming", in a manner of speaking?? Specifically, pie creation. While dreaming, he can create as many delicious pies as his subconscious will allow. They will manifest physically all around him.


CHARACTER SAMPLES

NETWORK SAMPLE »

{ voice }

I don't give a sugar-coated crap about your damn Nilisom Technologies or the freakin' US Government! You get me outta here, right the hell now. I've got a whole laundry list a' shit that's more important than dealin' with your universe-hoppin' bullshit. There's gotta be somebody around here who can airlift me back to sanity.

[ Nothing. Not shit. ]

Cas? [ He clears his throat. ] O, Castiel, get thy obnoxious feathery ass back down here and angelzap me home?

[ Again. Nothing. ]

Dammit. Look, I dunno what kinda show you're tryin' ta run... But if anybody in the same boat as the rest of the Migrants, or whatever they're callin' us, can hear me, lemme know.

LOG SAMPLE »

It was the longest drive he'd ever taken.

Usually, he'd love it. The open road, music blaring, his baby purring like a perfect kitten as he blazed along the highway... But this was different. He rode in silence and scarcely noticed the sound of the car. He didn't know when he'd hear from Bobby next. Cas jumped ship. And Sam... Sam was gone. He was the worst kind of gone. Not only was Lucifer riding him like a shetland pony, but he was trapped in there with Michael. Trapped in the pit. Both of his little brothers were. He didn't even get a chance to know Adam that well. But in one fell swoop, all of it was gone. Everyone he'd ever cared about, every connection he'd ever made... Gone. All he had left was Lisa and Ben, a woman he didn't deserve and a kid that wasn't even his, waiting for resolution that might never make it to them.

Sure, the world didn't end. They beat the bad guy down, more or less. They saved a lot of people's lives, trapped Lucifer again... But at what cost? Dean stared blankly ahead, one hand on the wheel while the other drummed unceremoniously in a sporadic non-rhythm against the car door, hanging out the window. Not a single sound could get past his ears; they were too blocked by the stream of very loud, obnoxious, negative thoughts that were spiraling through his mind. He should've been able to save Sammy. Should've been able to end it, once and for all. Should've been able to protect Jo, and Ellen, and everyone else he'd ever let down...

And now he was alone. Sure, he was doing what Sam asked – going to Lisa's, trying to have some sort of a normal life... It was practically his brother's dying wish. But that didn't mean he was any less isolated from the rest of the world. He wasn't like them. Even if he found himself happy with Lisa and Ben, there would always be that nagging feeling at the back of his mind, the tug in his gut... He wasn't meant for an apple pie life. He didn't belong in a cozy suburban house with a white picket fence. He didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve anything. Or, maybe he did. Maybe the guilt, the pain, the loss, the complete and utter emptiness... Maybe they were what he deserved. Maybe he deserved to be making the numbest drive of his life to a place he didn't know if he'd ever call home right now. Maybe, because of all the people he'd let down, because of all the lives he couldn't save, this was his new lot in life. He'd be a robot. Monotonous. Day in, day out, regular Joe with a boring job, just living like the rest of them... But with so much more weighing on him than anyone else could ever imagine.

He couldn't talk about it, either. Even though Lisa knew what his life was like, he wouldn't ever be able to tell her what he felt the moment Sam wrangled Lucifer and threw himself into the pit. Hell, he didn't even know if he could describe it. Sure as hell couldn't describe the way it made him feel completely numb, from the brain down, either.

He was the only person in the world who felt what he was feeling right in that moment. And right in that moment, as his car finally reached its destination, the numbness released him. It didn't last long, barely the blink of an eye, but for that blink of an eye, he felt... Relief. Relief to be pulling to a stop, pulling the keys out of the car, and climbing out. Too many memories were attached to her. He loved her. Always would, but, maybe... When she opened the door, the first thing he said was "You got room for me in your garage?"

She'd answered positively.

If Dean Winchester knew how to do anything, it was swallow down all of the crap that built up on him over time. He pulled the Impala into her garage and felt her steering wheel one last time before stepping out, shutting her, locking her up, and grabbing an old tarp that was laying on the floor not too far from her. He took a deep breath, licking his lips and swallowing. It was time to leave his old life behind.

Then, with one swift movement of his muscles and a rustle of fabric, he shut it all out. Now he was finished. He had to be.

ANYTHING ELSE? » Warning: may contain explicit language, especially when figuring out that his precious Impala is ~gone forever~.